Trouble With Narcolepsy
by Akimei the Twisted
Summary: Dave has been Jade's narcolepsy guide at school since the first grade, but now that Gamzee's "happy medicine" is taken away once again and decides to attack them, will Dave be able to keep up? Ultimately shitty DaveJade fanfic I randomly wrote. Rated for language, and the spelling sucks ultimately.


**That akward moment when you have to write a DaveJade fanfic instead of doing homework, or anything of actual value. I live that moment a lot... Anywho, I decided to write a different school AU for Homestuck, so please do not confuse this with my other one. In this shitty fanfic of mine, John and Jade are cousins, and the same goes for Rose and Dave. Characters will probably OOC because I have shitty characterization skills, but I also suck at irony, so let me drown in the shittyness of this story.**

**-Trouble With Narcolepsy-**

**Dave's POV**

"Fuck, Harley. Not again." I mumbled as Jade fell onto my back for the third time today, soundly sleeping like she had shit-squat to do. I carefully moved, picked her up, and placed her on my back. After I grabbed both of our shitty books, I walked at a steady pace to World Geography. You might wonder why THE Dave Strider has to do this for a derpy chick with narcolepcy. Why not her derpy cousin John, or her best friend Rose? The answer to that is so fucking simple, it's the size of Egderps attention span. First, John was so derpy, he couldn't guide anyone anywhere. In fact, I saw him get lost on the way to the school's bathroom, but that's another ironic story for later. Secondly, Rose was in advanced classes, and they couldn't get her the same schedule as Harley's. Therefore, the only last fucking option on the list was me, so since Jade moved here in the first grade, I've been the one to Harleysit (I ironically call it that, even though she hates it), and save her from being run over in busy hallways and falling off of the school's roof. Shit, that scared the fuck out of me when she did that last time, but again, that's a flashback for later.

I finally made it to the shitty classroom, and set Harley down in a desk. I messily placed our things, and began to shake her awake.

"Harley, It's time to wake the fuck up now. Come on, open you're eyes and bask in the coolness that is the Strider." I said as I shook her. Shit, It didn't work. I was about to try again when Karkat came out of fucking nowhere, and smacked the back of her head, causing her to fall on the desk with a groan.

"What the fuck, Vantas?!" I yelled, "I told you a million fucking times, you're not allowed to touch Harley, especially hit her!"

"What?!" He yelled back, "She would have missed class if she had kept sleeping like a fuckass!"

"Boys, shut up!" Terezi came between us, and pushed Karkat back.

He folded his arms across his chest, and huffed, "Whatever." then he sat down. I silently growled, but still enjoyed seeing how Terezi had him whipped. I heard Harley groan in pain again. Shit, I was so busy yelling at that dipshit, Vantas, that I forgot about her.

"You okay, Harley?" I asked her while touching her head gently.

"Yeah, Dave. Thanks for asking, but how did we-" She sighed and hit her forehead again, "I did it again, didn't I?!"

"You did, but don't feel bad, Harley. The only reason I get to be in every class with you is because of my Harleysitting duties anyway." I said with a smirk.

"Don't call it Harleysitting! I'm not a baby, Dave." Harley laughed as she hit my arm lightly.

"I know, that's why I call it Harleysitting." I smirked, "You're Harley, and I watch over you like a family of ducks or some shit like that."

"So now you're a mother duck?" Jade laughed at me. Shit, I bet I looked stupid right now, but atleast she was laughing. I had learned over the years that Harley was very fucking sensetive about her narcolepsy, causing me to get into some shit-wicked fights with people like Ampora, Vantas, and Sekret. Well, Amporra was a whining loser, so he doesn't really fucking matter when I fight him, and Sekret was a girl, so I had to sick with insulting her. Vantas put up some of a fight though despite such a tempermental idiot.

"Quack, Quack." I said ironically, "Now feed some damn bread." Jade just laughed like the sweet and derpy girl she is. I heard Vantas gagging, and the all to fucking pleasing sound of Terezi hitting him with her cane.

"Ow!" He winced. I smirked, I guess Terezi, the sneeky blind girl, didn't hold anything back. Jade jumped over her desk, and knelt beside Karkat's slightly bleeding arm.

"Are you okay, Karkat?" She asked sweetly. The sight of her helping him made me want to gouge my fucking eyes out, but I continued watching.

"I'm just fine, Jade! You can go back to your shithole of a desk with your fuckass of a friend." He growled. I smirked, If there was one thing Harley was good at, it was unintentionally hurting a man's pride. Oh, and Vantas's too.

"Dave isn't a fuckass, Karkat! He's actually really cool, nice, and a great friend. You'd see that if the two of you quit fighting!" She said angrily as she walked back over to her desk. Damn, she looked so cute when she did that angry pout thing. Fuck, I didn't mean to just think that. Damn, Damn, Damn, she's getting closer. Calm your figurative tits, Strider. It's just Harley, insanely adorable, totally awesome, cute, derpy Harley. Sweet fuck, why in the name of all that is ironic am I thinking this. Harley sat down, and that fucking annoying bell rang. Mr. Trudy, yes that's his actual name, walked into the room. I got out my ipod, and started listening to my next sick-nasty mix. I had been making it for Harley's birthday tomorrow. All it needed was a wicked bass, and a recording of my latest raps. I was writing down some notes for the bass when a peice of paper landed on my desk.

_Hiya Dave :)_

_Man, is Mr. Trudy boring or what? I don't wanna be mean, but he is more boring than Eridan when he talks about his scarf collection. Oops that sounded mean to :(_

_Anywho, what are you listening to, Mr. Coolkid? _

_Love, Jade 3_

I took out my custamized Hella Jeff and Sweet Bro pen, and wrote a reply.

_Sup Harley_

_So I see miss goody-two-shoes is becoming a rebel._

_Yeah, this douche of a teacher is really fucking boring, but not as bad of Amorra and his damn scarves._

_It's a secret of what shit-wicked beats I'm listening to Harley._

_Ironicly yours, Dave_

I skimmed over it, and thought "What the fuck, good enough", and tossed it over my shoulder to Harley. I soon got a reply landing on my desk.

_Hehe, I'm not that much of a goody-two-shoes I just like for people to happy :)_

_Don't be mean to Mr. Trudy! It's not his fault he's boring!_

_Why's it a secret?_

_Love, Jade 3_

I smiled softly at the note. Harley was so sweet and caring. I remember that time she took care of me when I had a broken arm. She even dressed up like a nurse to fit the role, she was so fucking cute, not that she wasn't cute already. Sweet fuck, I'm doing it again! I began to write my reply to get things off of my mind.

_Yeah right, Harley. You're a fucking angel._

_I'm not being mean, I'm just telling my truthfull opinion of him._

_You'll find out someday, Harley._

_Ironically yours, Dave_

I began to throw it over my shoulder when I heard a familiar thump. I turned to see her snoozing away on her desk. I smiled lightly, and petted her hair softly. There was just something so cute about Jade when she slept. It was like watching an angel in a way, but better; it calmed me to see the smile on her lips and the way her hair fell so- DAMN, I'M DOING IT AGAIN!

"Mr. Strider! Is there a reason why you and Miss Harley can't pay attention?" Mr. Trudy asked. I smirked, perfect chance to get out of class, and to get my mind off of Harley's cuteness.

"I was just telling Harley about how your class is a living death preservatory of boredom, and then she fell asleep due to your chanting about sand dunes. Really, I'm never going to use this shit in my life." I smirked. Mr. Trudy fumed.

"Well, you have just earned yourself a detenention next week to add to your record! As for Miss Harley, since she has severe narcolepsy, I'll let it slide for now. So just get out, and take Miss Harley with you since you are somehow her guide." He sighed. My smirk grew; he knew he couldn't kick me out of school without putting 'Miss Angel Harley's' reputation on the line. I picked up mine and Harley's books, and put her on my back carefully.

"Why does she get to sleep all day! It's not fair! Not only does she get out of class, but she gets to be carried by OUR Strider-sama." Some girls in the back started yelling. I silently growled. Those bitches never left me alone, and they hate Jade with a passsion, so I hated them. Vantas opened up the door for me, a surprising act on his part. Before I left he stopped me.

"Make sure she stays safe, alright Strider. They took away Gamzee's happy medicine, and I know he's out there in the halls; waiting for his next victim. I looked at him surprised. I was in some serious shit if he found us. Gamzee did these fucking crazy things when they took his medicine away; he would prowl the halls and rooftops, waiting to find a victim. It was his fault that Harley nearly fell off the roof, so I still hated the guy more than I hated Vantas, but Harley says that he's cool when he takes his medicine.

"Thanks for the warning, Vantas. Maybe your not a dipshit after all." I smirked as I left.

"I did this for Jade, not you fuckass." He mumbled as he went back inside the class room. I sighed. Vantas and Harley used to a have "thing" between them when we were in middle school. They swear they weren't dating, but I saw the way Vantas looked at Harley, and the way Harley treated him. Eventually Terezi, Vantas's childhood friend, came to town, and they quit hanging out so much. I was happy as a shitting school girl in a field full of flowers with her hunky boyfriend. I know what you're thinking, and no I was not jealous of any of their romancy shit, I just hated Vantas, that's all.

I kept walking down the hallway to Harley's locker. I had to keep my mind off random shit, and make sure that psycho Gamzee stays away from Harley. I continued walking in dead silence, wishing that I had my shitty swords. The air was filled with tension as I reached her locker, and something clicked in my mind. I felt it; that ominous presence that reaked of desperation for blood. Gamzee was here; I just know he is.

I tensed up, but kept my cool. If I could handle the random shit my bro does, I could handle some psycho off his happy drugs. I looked around the dimly lit hallway through my shades; I didn't see him anywhere. I opened the door to Harley's locker, and put her things away as well as mine. (sharing a locker with Harley was one of the rules of Harleysitting) I turned around and sighed. Maybe I was just nervous about something, but that was impossible, a fucking Strider is never nervous. I decided to carry Harley in my arms bridal style. Not because I like her in my arms or some shit, I just happened to be tired of carrying her on my back.

I decided to walk to the lounging area, so I could try and wake Harley without having to hold her up. Once I got there, I sat her down on a bench. I was about to say something to her when I felt it again; Gamzee's fucking eerie presence. I looked around the room, but I didn't see him again. I subconciuosly reached for my katana, but grasped the air instead. Damn, stupid no swords at school rules!

"I know you're hear, Makara," I seethed, "If you even try to touch Harley I will rip your head off with my bare hands." I heard insane laughter behind me; I turned to see Gamzee covered in cuts and blood.

"You know just how I like to fight, Dave. That's why I like you so much." He laughed, licking the blood seeping out of his arm.

"What the fuck are you even doing here, Makara?" I asked.

"Oh, that's easy. Ever since I last fought you and pushed Jade off the roof, I can't stop thinking about fighting the two of you." He laughed again.

"Well it seems you've been fighting someone else before this." I muttered hatefully.

"Oh, this? I just went to vist my favorite Kitty-kat for a little exercise." He said as he licked the blood pooring from his wounds, "Enough talk now, let's fight!"

"Fine by me you worthless piece of shit." I said as I assumed fighting stance. He began to run at me at crazy fast speed, maybe even faster than Bro's. I tried to dodge, but I got slashed in my fucking abdomen. Damn, he must have a knife stashed on him. I turned to face him, and was almost to shocked to move. He fought crazy-shit-wicked, throwing kicks and punches at every part of my body. I was getting beat, bad. My body was bleeding just as bad, maybe even worse, than his. He kicked me in the throat, and I flew down to the other side of the room.

"What's the matter, Dave? Why don't you fight me seriously? Should I hurt your little girlfriend Jade? She put a little of a fight, more than you are anyway." He smirked, running towards Harley. Dammit, I wasn't going to let him hurt her, not ever again. I ran against all odds, and time was luckily on my side. I managed to block the knife with my arm. I sighed in relief; turning my head and checking on the peacfully sleeping Harley. I felt another swift kick to my abdomen. I flew to the other side of the room again, and coughed up more blood. Damn, I wasn't going to last much longer at this rate. Gamzee stood above me with a psycho look on his face.

"It's rude not to look your opponent in the eye, Dave." He seethed, "You'll make me mad if you don't." I struggled to my feet.

"Who would want to look at your shitty face, Makara?" I spit out more blood. I had to win this fight, I had to make sure Harley was going to be safe. Gamzee flung a puch to my leg, then a kick to my face. He flipped over my shoulder, and slashed my back again, landing like a fucking gymnist. He kept attacking me in random order, and I could barely keep up. He landed another hit to my head, and I was on the ground again. He towered over me, and looked down, his blood dripping onto my face.

"You're beginning to bore me, Dave. I thought you were better than this. I guess I should finish you off now." He laughed. My eyes widened.; was it going to end like this? Was I going to die here? Was I going to let Jade down? Was I...Was I a failure? Gamzee lifted his knife, and my body went limp. I couldn't move, and my vision was getting blurry from blood loss. I was about to die here; at a motherfucking school! Why couldn't I die in cool place like the Jeff Dunham show? The knife was about to peirce my neck when Gamzee fell against the floor. I saw Harley standing behind him with a broken vase in her hand. She was breathing hard.

"Fuck, H-Harley. I can't b-believe I was saved by a g-girl." I mumbled. Fuck, my voice was giving out. I was going to pass out soon. Something wet hit my face, was it more blood? I opened my eyes, and saw Jade crying.

"D-Dave, are you okay?" She cried. I was heartbroken. Jade was crying over my bleeding ass because I was to much of dipshit to win a fight.

"I'm fi-fine, Harley. I've been through this before." I muttered.

"No you haven't. Never this bad." Her tears increased.

"Please don't cry, Harley. I don't like to s-see you sad." I said as reached out to touch her face. I felt cold; I knew I was going to lose conciousness soon.

"Oh, Jadey." I heard Makara's voice screech. Fuck, he was up again; he's going after Harley! I tried to move upward, but my world faded to black.

"Jade!" I yelled as I woke up. I looked at my surroundings, searching for Gamzee's psycho ass and Harley. I saw that I was in a white room, a hospital more specifically. My wounds were bandaged as well; there was something wet on my face. Blood? No, they were tears. Was I crying? Fuck, I've never cried before; not even once.

I tried to move my right arm when I noticed it was being restrained. I looked beside me to see a sleeping Harley, but her face was sad; she had been crying. She had my hand clenched in hers, and her other was sprawled arcross my abdomen. I moved my free arm, and petted her hair again. I finally knew why I was thinking all of these about her. I, as uncool as it was, am in fucking love with Jade Harley. She stirred in her sleep, her eyes producing more tears. I heard her whimpering; Fuck, she's having another nightmare.

"Harley, wake up. I'm serious Harely, wake up." I countinued to speak and hsake her, but she only whimpered more.

"D-Don't go. Please- him - help." She whined. Fuck, what was dreaming about?

"Harley, please wake up. Your having a nightmare." I said; she didn't respond, "Dammit, Jade. I'm fucking serious here! I don't want to see you cry anymore, Jade!" Her eyes opened, and she fell backward in surprise.

"Dammit, Jade. Are you okay?" I asked worriedly. Fuck, I am just the king of fucking shit up today. She stood, and rubbed the back of her nervously.

"D-Dave, did you just say my first name?" She asked timidly. I nearly smacked myself. I had always called her Harley ever since we first met; I have never once even started to say it. She had always been just Harley to me; Beautiful, Elegant, and Amazing Harley. Every time she asked me why I waould always say, 'I never call my close friends by they're first name. If I ever do say you first name out loud, then take it as a love-sick gayboy confession from Mr. Lovesick Strider himself.' FUCK, I really should have thought that out before I told her that over nine-thousand times.

The room was quiet for a while until the doctor came in.

"Hello, Mr. Strider. Are you feeling well?" He said.

"I'm feel alright, not fucking estatic or anything, but accecptable." I sighed as I rested my head in my hands when I realized that my fucking shades were gone! "Wait, where the fuck are my shades?!"

"Relax, Mr. Strider. We had to take them off to examine your facial injuries. We put them on the nightstand next to you. Is there a problem?" He said.

"Tell me, did anyone see my eyes?" I asked.

"Not that I know of. Why do you ask?"

"It's nothing." I muttered in relief. When I was kid, Bro told me that a Strider could never show his eyes to anyone other than the person said Strider loves. Shit, I remember telling Jade that too. I reached for my shades, and placed them on my face once again.

"Anyway, Mr. Strider, you should be out of the hospital by tomarrow afternoon. You're lucky you're girlfriend was able to call an abmulance in time, and that other boy, Mr. Makara, is recovering in a seperate hospital."

"Damn, I nearly forgot about him." I turned to Jade, "Did he hurt you?" Jade looked at her feet, playing with a single strand of her hair. I would usually think that this fucking adorable, but now wasn't the time.

"Answer me, Jade." I said. Her head jerked up when I said her name, but she didn't say anything.

"Miss Harley only had minor cuts on her arms and lower back, nothing to be worried about." The doctor smiled, and left the room. I clenched the fabric of the hospital bed sheets.

"I-It's really not a big deal, Dave. I wasn't hurt as bad as you were, so please don't worry about it" Jade mumbled.

"No big deal? No big deal! Jade, he hurt you, one of the only people I actually-" I cut myself off. I couldn't tell Jade how I felt; she wouldn't feel the same, I just know it. Dammit, what kind of idiot fucktard falls in love with his bestfriend. This isn't one of Egderps dipshit movies, no matter how much I want it to be. Jade took a deep breath, and looked at me in the eyes through my shades.

"Dave, I need to tell you something, but I don't want you freak out, and if you disagree, just say so." She said. I had never seen this side of Jade before; she was scared, but determined.

"Shoot, Jade. I'm up for anything." I said, trying to keep my cool.

"I think I might l-like you a lot, and I think you might feel the same way." She muttered, hiding her face with her hair. Befor I knew what I was doing, I found myself hugging her, ignoring my aching body.

"You always did have a thing for knowing how people felt, Jade." I mumbled into her hair; it smelt like freshly picked flowers, "I can't believe you realized it before I did."

"So, does that mean-" She started to ask, but I cut her off with a chaste kiss. She was shocked, but soon began to gently push back. Eventually, we had to pull away for oxygen.

"Yes, Jade. I'm in fucking love with you, and now that I know you feel the same, I can finally do this." I said, leaning in for another kiss, but I heard a familiar thump, and saw my new kinda-girlfriend laying on the ground asleep.

"DAMMIT!"

**THE END**

**Yeah, it was shitty and stuff, but I'm somewhat pleased considering the small amount of time I put into it. Anywho, I'm finally going to sleep now. Bye Bye!**


End file.
